Conviction by Maria Petrou

Conviction

Conviction

Main Entry: con•vic•tion
Pronunciation: \kuhn-vik-shuhn\
Function: noun
Date: 15th century
1: Th e act or process of convicting of a
crime especially in a court of law
2 a: Th e act of convincing a person of error
or of compelling the admission of a truth
b: the state of being convinced of error or
compelled to admit the truth
3 a: A strong persuasion or belief b: the
state of being convinced
Synonyms see certainty, opinion

Kevin Carter was the photographer who
captured a little Sudanese girl who was
crawling her way to a feeding centre all
while a vulture was watching and waiting
to devour her. Kevin snapped the photograph
(pictured above right) and shooed
the vulture away but there are no reports as
to what happened next to that little girl.

Kevin later suffered from depression and
until this day there are various speculations,
some say it’s because he chose not do anything
to save the girl and others say there
was nothing he could have done because
she was not the only famine victim. St.
Petersburg Times stated that Carter, “might
just as well be a predator, another vulture
on the scene.” Even some of Carter’s friends
wondered why he hadn’t helped the little
girl.

Whenever I think about this heart wrenching
picture I too wonder where Carter’s
heart and thoughts were. How could he not
have saved her or even at least tried? Th en
I begin to wonder what more I myself can
do, or what we as a community can do to
help those who are hungry, desperate for a
hand up or simply left in a desert or on a
curb to fi gure it out on their own. Th is may
not be Sudan but we are surrounded by
hurting people in need nonetheless.

Kevin Carter once said, “Everyone that
has been involved in these stories has been
aff ected. You become changed forever.”
I believe he is right. If I were to take you
along the riverbed at night, through the
back alleys or if we jumped together into
a dumpster, you would be changed.

If you were to sit in my car across the street and
watch as men solicit young girls for sex,
you would feel a conviction that is one
in which is hard to express on paper with
words. I know that it is because of a conviction
and a compassion that you posses that
you support me in this venture and for that
I will always remain thankful and humbled.

When I see street kids, sometimes I feel like
there is so much I still don’t understand and
yet I feel and live out a strong God-given
conviction that reminds me that at the end
of the line, when my life is over, I do not
want to have those regrets of not being
intentional about reaching out. I don’t want
to watch as the vulture in life (drugs, prostitution,
hunger, loneliness) wait to devour
those I have come to know and love.

Kevin Carter ended his life and his suicide
note was a litany of nightmares and dark visions,
a clutching attempt at an autobiography,
self-analysis, explanation, excuse. Th is
weekend I heard it said, “It’s what you do in
the dash” meaning that on your tombstone,
if mine were to say “1974 – ____” what
would I have accomplished in the “dash”,
the in-between years?

I know that with God’s conviction, guidance
and strength, I will continue in
whatever capacity He allows me, to reach
out and invest in what’s most important
because I want to leave a legacy behind that
represents God working through my life on
earth and not feel my life was full of excuse
or regret.

Renewed

Now if you read my letters on a regular basis, you will know that last year was by far a year that was one of the hardest years I have had to face in all of my ministry and even my personal life. These letters can be pretty hard to share sometimes but yet I am thankful that I can be vulnerable with you and share my heart so freely. With the difficult scenarios of last year, such as the physical attack by a couple of men, the pure mental and emotional exhaustion, with my mind whirling constantly wondering if God still intended me to remain with StreetLight, I needed God to once again provide the assurance that my calling was to this ministry and that I could make it through the difficult times.

My deepest and most heartfelt prayer for last year was simply. “Lord PLEASE... I just need a miracle to happen, one really good thing. I’m tired. Please Lord, it’s all I ask. I need to know you’re still here with me and you hear me crying.” It seems so silly now when I reflect on how I felt but I truly felt like a walking time bomb that could (and sometimes would) just break down into tears because I was so unhappy and unsettled inside. I remember very vividly thinking to myself how easy it would be to drive off of Deerfoot Trail and into oncoming traffic. It’s a pretty scary thought to realize that that was where I was in life, but it was very real. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a place before where I just didn’t “feel” like continuing in life. I was too tired. What was scarier was that I didn’t seem to care. I had suffered from stress hives for just over a year and I guess that should’ve been a pretty clear clue to take time to restore myself and take inventory of my schedule and life. I kept pep telling myself saying, “This year is almost done Maria” in the hopes that time would make things better and that I’d feel strong again. I was desperate for something good to happen. God’s love language to me has always been the miracle factor and you’ve heard me state before that often I feel like a little girl on God’s lap and I feel like He loves me so much and knows me so well, that He wasn’t just willing to give me the little pink bike, but the pink bike with the tassels too! Perhaps it’s a funny remark to you, but in my spiritual and ministry journey, I have thrived on the miracle factor and those “extras” – the extra assurances.

When I was preparing for the StreetLight Christmas party (and if you read the Insight’s article), you will understand why the stress hit hard this past Christmas. I felt like a failure. I felt ashamed and useless. I hid in my office sulking because looking at the needs we had for more backpacks, blankets etc, I felt like perhaps I wasn’t going to have that “something good” I wanted anytime soon. So when the call went out and the numbers of backpacks went from 120-475 in a matter of days and the one bag full of blankets went to 20+bags, I KNEW that it was a God thing for sure! I was in awe. When the winter blizzard hit on the night we were to host our party outside along the Bow River, I felt heartbroken as we loaded up the StreetLight trailer. I began to doubt that the night would be a success and I doubted kids would even show up. The emotions of that day were at their peak. The moment we arrived downtown (after the 2 hour hauling through the snow drifts), and I saw the hundreds of homeless waiting in the freezing cold for a BackPack and a bite to eat – I felt confirmed that I still heard God’s voice and it was His “something good” for me. It was the lift my spirit needed. It was my answer to prayers. Because of that moment, I now remember what it is like to be close to God and have that close and constant communication, to have joy and affirmation deep within. It’s what fuels me for this ministry, for life.

When I even see how you as my friends and sponsors have been so diligent and thoughtful in supporting me and this ministry, it again reminds me that I am being taken care of and I have much to be thankful for. I appreciate your gifts and your generosity in resources and prayers. That miracle factor means the world to me and being dependent upon God to provide my needs, is really the best way to live and something I truly cherish. Thank you for being a part of my journey.

I feel like this year is indeed a fresh year of miracles and affirmations. I trust that God will provide my every need and will use many of you to reach out with me, reach out to those in need. My spirit feels renewed and I possess passion again and I have once again experienced how God the Father does indeed hold me close and renews my strength and encourages my heart. Many of you have reached out in very special ways to me over the course of this last year because you could sense where I was at. Even typing out a thank you, makes my heart feel soft and tears fill my eyes because of the gratitude I feel for you and your thoughtfulness. So please don’t give up on me and please continue those prayers – they are not taken for granted and it is what encourages the very depths of my heart!

Operation BackPack 2008

Click and see what took place at StreetLight this Christmas!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5425762627014767921

Operation BackPack

I lie awake tonight because what weighs on my mind is that, “you missed it”. The call was put out to you, but you never came. by Maria Petrou – StreetLight Director

Friday, December 12, 2008 was the night the winter storm blew in. While the hustle and bustle of rushing to company Christmas parties and last minute shopping took place, Riverfront Avenue and 1st Street SW there were over 300 homeless people huddled in line anxiously waiting.

Less than one week prior, the realization (that whether because of the economy or the unknowns), our donations for Operation BackPack took a drastic drop. In previous years, StreetLight, which is a mobile youth centre for street kids, had received between 500-600 backpacks each year that were filled with the essentials a homeless person needs as they aim to survive the harsh reality of living on the streets. This year StreetLight received only 120 backpacks and panic sunk in. How on earth were we to turn away the potential hundreds of homeless who would come to our Operation BackPack party because the promise of a Christmas backpack could not be fulfilled?

The urgent call was made across our city begging for people to take action and as Calgary does so well, once again the community pulled together and made a miracle happen. In less than a week, the number of backpacks went from 120 to 475 packs stocked full of hygiene items, warm gloves, socks, food certificates and even a little first-aid kit. The donations of blankets and clothes went from one garbage bag full to a packed office full! Then the storm of December 12th hit.

Panic once again began to take over and as I watched our StreetLight trailer trudge through the extreme conditions, I wondered, “Would the homeless even dare to come out to this party now?” My cell phone rang and rang throughout the whole drive and my volunteers, my photographer, and my cooks, were all scattered across the city struggling to make it downtown to our destination. Many were forced (and all were tempted) to turn around and call it a night. Tears of defeat fell down my face.

I looked at my volunteer who was tailgating StreetLight and asked her if she was “in”. We agreed that if we had to pull this party off alone – it was going to happen! We pulled up downtown and just blocks away from our destination, there they were... they were pushing baby strollers through the thick snow, they were hunched over under blankets and pushing against the cold wind – they were coming! I couldn’t believe it! My heart began to race! As we turned the last corner to park our trailer, there they were, hundreds of homeless, standing in a line shivering, anxiously waiting for us to arrive and fulfill our Christmas promise. As I guided the trailer into its parking spot I kept yelling to the crowd, “Thank you for coming! Thank you! Thank you!”
The moment we parked StreetLight, we hit the ground running! Burgers got flipped, people were fed, hot Starbucks coffee was passed out and even the fire department that joined us handed out blankets and clothes. My dedicated team of volunteers handed out the handcrafted backpacks and dispersed Tonka trucks and dolls to little kids who immediately began to play with them in snow... and I think to myself, “How could you have missed it?”

In the midst of all that hustle and bustle, car horns screaming at each other and others fighting to get the best deal on that last Christmas gift, on a downtown street, there was the real spirit of Christmas taking place.
The following morning, after the intensity of the night, I realized that not a single one of the news stations we had invited to cover this story had made an appearance. They missed it. How could they have missed it? The story isn’t about StreetLight, it isn’t even about media coverage for pride’s sake. The story is about the need. Hundreds of homeless lined up for hours in the middle of a storm, most losing their chance at shelter for the night... all for a Christmas backpack and a bite to eat. The story is about the heart of this city. It’s about the graciousness that was shown by those who made the choice to give of themselves and their comfort, to make a miracle happen. It’s about my team of faithful volunteers who are committed to love those who aren’t always easily loved and know the homeless by name. It’s about giving a homeless kid a Tonka truck to play with. Even in the midst of a blizzard there is so much that we could see, if we just dared to look!

The one man, who didn’t miss it, was Rafal Wegiel our photographer. He stood in the middle of a snow bank surrounded by those who live on the streets. He got it. He captured the moments that so many missed that night. With camera in hand, he caught the intensity of the need, he “got” why we do what we do and he did it out of the kindness of his heart and the desire to stretch himself.

That night my faith grew immensely. Operation BackPack was an event that was stocked full of unknowns and “what if’s”. But in the end, we were right, the need was there and Calgary could, and did, step it up a notch this year to make sure that miracles do happen! It may not have been a Miracle on 34 Street, but rather a true miracle on Riverfront Ave and 1st! My prayer is that we never get too busy to care about others before ourselves or miss those precious opportunities to get what matters most and look beyond a storm. It’s one of the best gifts we can afford ourselves.